Today, I feel like I may have earned some right to the internal title
of designer. Like most human beings on the planet, I sometimes deal
with insecurities about who I am and what I am doing. Readers may know
(because I can't ever seem to stop talking about it in one form or
another) how my earlier failures were a severe blow to my confidence and
self-esteem. In an effort to repair my life, and at least get my
financial life back in order, during the last several years I managed to
get an associates degree in graphic design. It was an attempt at
gaining a skill that could at least help me find a way to earn my daily
bread. Being a teacher is a profession that requires the training that
escaped me, maybe learning the design trade could help me salvage some
self-respect and help me earn a dollar or two. (The student loan debt I
have is outrageous, so I will probably be condemned to poverty for the
remainder of my life. The worst thing about poverty, at least in regards
to how I view it, is that I do not have the monetary means to support
my family and friends in the way I would like. I likely will never be
able to buy my parents something they need, help them out of a jam, loan
my sisters a few hundred dollars, etc.) Anyhow, it is funny to say that
my insecurity in my personal and design abilities makes me secure in
the knowledge that I won't be the best designer on the planet.
However,
today, I may have earned a little more right to the title. After a
breakfast, a little television, and a shower, I drove to work and
completed the recipe
cards that my mother needed printed for her next monthly project. There
were a few minor typos that needed fixing before printing the whole
block of them. They're on cardstock, and initially, I couldn't figure
out why they weren't printing front and back. It turns out the
"reloaded" setting on the paper selection for the copier prevents the
program itself from printing front and back. Once I had changed it from
"cardstock reloaded" to just "cardstock," the problem was resolved.
Then,
I drove into the neighboring town and talked with downtown printer
that I was familiar with. They seem knowledgeable and talented, but
their prices also reflect it. I needed some size #6 catalog style
enveloped, which is a size above 6x9 and below 9x12. Catalog style is a
bit stronger than booklet style, and because our mail order department
crams our product into envelopes almost near to bursting, I figured we needed it. Catalog style
was the way to go. For those envelopes, there is a seam down the
middle, and the envelope opens on the shortest end. Booklet style envelope opens
on the longest side.
I told them that I had the
original
file as well as the PDF. They told me that the original file is
essentially worthless if the links and the fonts are not also embedded.
They
said that, for it to be useful, it had to be "packaged." I knew that
from school training,
but like a dope, forgot. I manually included the link to the image file
in a separate folder, but it did not have the typefaces. Fortunately,
the PDF saved my bacon. They even had me come around their front counter
to look at it on their computer screen to ensure that it looked the way
that I
needed it to. It did. (For some reason, salesman at the counter assumed
that the copier error where the ink had not fully printed the logo was
intentional. I assured him it was not.)
Satisfied the job was going to be done, I then drove out to
the next printer to have them print the 9x12 envelopes that I needed.
They are about fifty dollars cheaper than the downtown printer. The one
worry that I still had was wondering if the first printer I visited will use the
second one to print the job I gave them, and then charge me extra for handling. Was
there a chance that the poor slob who operates the press will see
a job with the same logo on two different sized envelopes for two different
clients? Will it matter? Will there be any embarrassment for me or the
printer if they find out that I used two different printers for
essentially the same work? Maybe there might some embarrassment at a
professional faux pas, but I guess I am prepared to deal with it and
face the fallout if need be.
Anyhow, arriving to the
printers, I was immediately greeted by two medium to large sized dogs
Clearly, this was a more relaxed style of business where the owner had
decided that dogs were okay. I am always initially weirded out about businesses
that have pets, but really, I guess I don't mind if the animals are
friendly enough. The dogs sniffed my shoe rather heavily before being
called back to someone's desk.
I asked to speak to
someone about a quote, which they gave me, and was really nice. I hope
that the job turns out as well as I hope because you can't beat their
price. I had discovered this print shop when I had gone to a portfolio
show and discovered that a former classmate had worked there. I figured,
"why not?" This is the sort of networking that is supposed to pay off,
right?
Then I returned back to work and continued to work
on the booklet that needs to be completed in a couple of days. There are
a few articles that the boss needs to send me, but it looks like it
will get done on time, even if I have to work over the holiday.
I
signed out at 5pm, which is normal for me. I wasn't going to do much
overtime today because I felt like I had already done enough, and a good
job at that. Unfortunately, our work culture seems to run on stress and
frustration. If someone is not constantly complaining about being
over-worked, over-tired, or having too much with not enough time to do
it, then we really are in trouble. That sort of environment seems to
work when it comes to getting the jobs done, but at a personal and
emotional cost to the people there. It is a fraying of nerves that
slowly come undone a strand at a time. Maybe this sort of environment is
part of why I feel anxious most of the time. As if the only solution to
problems is to worry about what is not getting done, because formally
coming up with practical solutions or organizing a plan is apparently
too much or out of the question.
I was glad work was
done.About an hour later, I was making plans for my monday night. Monday
night is my night to go to the center and says prayers or offer
devotions. Tonight, a homeless gentleman who may or may not have
schizophrenia, was there. It has sort of become my default job to be
there and help the ladies feel comfortable about this unpredictable
element of a man with a mental health issue. I try to engage the man
positively on his terms and help him to feel as comfortable as possible.
It is not always possible to hold his attention the entire time, and he
whispers and laughs to himself a lot, so there is no telling what he is
thinking about in any given instance.
Still, I have
to believe that his presence there might be helping him keep a hold on
some part of sanity—a reassurance that society still is willing to
engage with him. He is not a non-person. People still look at him,
engage with him, and offer some small amount of help that they might
have. Unlike last time, no-one offered him any protein bars, nuts, or
other kind of food, but I noted that he had a plastic bag full of pizza
slices. I do not know where or how he may have gotten them, but I
imagine that a sympathetic worker at a local pizza place may have given
him the left-over slices from a days work. Seeing a bag filled with food
like that is a sobering reminder about how much the homeless have to
think about the basic necessities of life during a given day. If I am
ever homeless, I wonder how I might cope with the lack of food?
His
situation is really tough, and unfortunately in our society, apparently
common. He is clearly grappling with a mental heath condition that
prevents him from acting in his own best interests to get off the
streets (if there is a way to do that). He imagines gods and goddesses
(literally) are talking to him. They give him warnings or guidance that
directly tell him to do something. Of course, a person in that condition
is not going to take medication that forces them back into a healthy
reality. And, other people he meets in society cannot force him to do
it, even as the government won't do it. A family member, might, if they
could fight through the bureaucracy, have him institutionalized. But
that is assuming that the family members is around or wants to get
involved. I don't know this man's last name, so I do not have a clue if
he has family or not. I have heard the older folks say that people like
him used to be put into institutions where doctors and nurses monitored
them and helped them take their medications, something that the
government paid for. But that is no longer the case, people in his
condition, too far removed from reality wind up on the streets or in
jail. Fortunately, for this man in particular, he seems too nice to do
anything violent, but I guess that is only as long as his illness
doesn't progress or go any further,
As far as
devotions at the center went, I hope that they were beneficial to those
who were there. It is hard to know. I feel slightly sad knowing that the
amount of people who attend seems unusually small. More people could
(and probably should) attend, but for one reason or another, they don't.
I have tried to make it my Monday priority. It is one of my methods
being sane and healthy myself. An investment in the things in life that,
hopefully, really matter.