When I awoke, I made an effort to shower and take care of my basic hygiene. Said my prayers, and then found myself driving into the city. Why did I do that? I only end up spending money. Did I really need to go out today? Why the city and not somewhere else? The Coast? Part of me thinks that I need to get out so I don't become too insular or isolated in my own head.
I had left too late to go to my usual weekend restaurant, so I tried something new. After depositing my check at the driver through bank, I drove to the other end of town to a corporate diner, and had steak and eggs, spending nearly forty dollars all told.
After my meal, I also stopped by the grocery store where I bought some food for the upcoming week. Tuna. Bananas. Chili. Blackberries. Salad. Fried chicken. Gatorade. I spent some time walking around and looking at things.
I bought some summer shorts, and shampoo aside from groceries. It also happened that I saw a one hundred dollar birdhouse for sale for fifty dollars. I eventually bought it after a brief phonecall with my mom who suggested Dad would like it very much.
Now done shopping, I drove back home. I ate the blackberries in the car. On the way home, the cowling on the driver side wheel of the car partially came off and made a noise as it dragged on the highway and hit the wheel. I drove straight home for twenty minutes to deliver the birdhouse, but also fix the car by using zip ties to secure the cowling. The slapping noises had worried me, but I made it home without incident. I feared a cop might pull me over leaving me without free options to fix it, but mercifully I didn't encounter anyone.
The birdhouse was a hit with Dad. He couldn't wait to use it. I needed his help with my car, but he had to drive a granddaughter to the pool, so I waited with Mom in the living room for him to return. Mom read her book in the chair, and I surfed my phone making small talk about her day. I found out that after Dad had dropped off the granddaughter and returned home, he had gone to the shop to collect his bird seed, an indicator of his excitement.
In the carport, he gave me the right wrench for me to fix the car (temporarily), which is unusual for me. I don't usually have the wherewithal to fix these kinds of problems by myself. I felt a strange pride and relief that the repair I made was holding up.
I took my leave of my parents and returned to the shop by myself to drop off the food I had bought earlier, and was gratified again by the successful car repair, which was tested on the road at top speed. No noises.
There, I watched some videos, played computer games, marked my purchases in my special purchase book, and marveled at how much money I had spent today. Forty for breakfast, one hundred for groceries and clothing, fifty dollars for a birdhouse.
At ten o'clock, I decided it was time to leave, so I locked up and went to the other grocery store in town, buying ice cream and pepperoni sticks. One a carb treat which I shouldn't have bought, and the other a cheap protein that I hoped would help with night cravings.
By the end of the day, I was in bed watching television and writing this down on my phone. I am somewhat disillusioned by my over preoccupation with games and social media. As a senior adult, I know it is all empty, useless time wasting getting me no closer to a secure future, but I don't know what else to do much of the time. I manage my feelings as best I can, holding to the hope that I will find a useful and fulfilling path that avoids ruin and letting other people down. Isolation is ramping up in my old age, and the "not-knowing" what to do every day is a stressor that is constantly increasing.
Tomorrow is another chance to try again. To make choices, to try and plan for the future. I fear calamities.