The joke about some games is that progress is simply "number goes up." No real discovery, learning, or achievement--just "number goes up." I've played this game that way too. It is not a story I am particularly interested in, partly because the lore is too vast, keeps changing, and does not have any real 'literary merit.' There are no grand lessons on either life or character.
So, I come away from today, from escaping into a game whose only interest to me is that number, feeling empty. I could have done so many other things, but my mental health, moody reflection on my childhood, and my general uncertainty about the future, makes me feel like doing anything else aside from escape is too pointless and hard, requires a level of effort I don't have at the moment. I am still getting over a flu that lingers in my chest. I will change this time wasting behavior. I know I will change. But today? It's all down the drain.