I'm really trying to cope without losing myself in hopelessness. I realize I can't save my family, and I am not sure I have the skills to support myself alone. United we stand and divided we fall.
Took my vulnerable sister to breakfast and paid for it. Wanted to bond in a way that went beyond work or typical family nonsense. Trying to say through memory for the future that despite our occasional disagreements and misunderstandings, we're a family.
Thinking about doing something similar for the other sisters.
Argued with Mom briefly. Can't really say for the hundredth time that I am worried, indirectly ask for the reassurance none of us feel, or describe my fears in a way that doesn't weary our ears for the sheer routine of the complaints.
I keep my deepest fears hidden because I know the futility of expressing them to reach a satisfying conclusion is impossible. Words are weak. In these days before the stunning blow, I try to connect. Feel the moment. Create the memory. And above all else, I pray for mercy for us all that the divine chastisements that await us in justice will not torment us overlong.